


The Day The Sun Fell

by my_happy_little_bean



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: But also...not really?, It's kind of confusing you're just gonna have to trust me :'), M/M, Non-Linear Narrative, apocalypse au, idk how to describe it lol, logicality - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-11
Updated: 2020-04-11
Packaged: 2021-03-02 04:28:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,257
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23589169
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/my_happy_little_bean/pseuds/my_happy_little_bean
Summary: The story of Logan and Patton from the day they met,to the day the sun fell....aka the story of logan and patton told a bit out of order. also the apocalypse happened, which is weird huh?
Relationships: Logic | Logan Sanders/Morality | Patton Sanders
Comments: 12
Kudos: 31





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> tw: swearing; fightin; slightly nsfw in some bits; sad, apocalyptic vibes in general; sickness; implied death
> 
> a/n- hello! this is,,,, a weird story! this is what i get by watching "the last five years" and then reading a prompt on tumblr about drinking soup in the apocalypse :pp
> 
> i'll be quite honest, i don't know if it's any good—i've never really written a story this out of order before—but i really enjoyed writing this. i'm at least happy that it made me practice writing something new :')
> 
> i hope you enjoy it, my friends <3

Logan stood at the edge of the cliff, facing only Patton and nothing else. 

It was illogical– no, _stupid_ to look anywhere else. Below them was a sea of nothing and above them was a sky full of _anything_ ; though it wasn’t as reassuring as one would hope.

But in front of him was _everything_ ,  
because in front of him was _Patton._

Sweet, sweet Patton. 

Logan wrapped his arms around Patton’s waist, which was shaking with the rest of his body. He was in full sobs now. He sighed, pressing his forehead to Patton’s. 

“Shhh,” he whispered softly, closing his eyes. He could feel the sun beat on his back. He pulled Patton closer to him. “It’s going to be okay.” 

“I-I–” Patton’s words came out as mere husks of what should be words. Logan shook his head.

“ _It’s okay_ ,” he said again. 

“I-I’m so _scared._ ”

“I know.” 

“What if one of us _lives_ ?” Patton murmured, his sobs wracking his entire body. He doubled over into Logan’s chest, throwing his arms around Logan as if he was hanging onto the only lifeboat on deck. “W-What if one of us lives and– and you are _dead_ and–” 

“Patton…” 

“I don’t want to be alone.” Patton was clinging onto him. Tears were streaming down Logan’s face now. He took a deep breath and simply tilted Patton’s chin so he could look up at him. 

“You’re not going to be alone.” The winds roared louder now. Despite now being face-to-face with Logan, Patton was squeezing his eyes shut, shaking at the noise. 

Logan could feel Patton’s heart race, they were so close.

(He tried to memorize the _ba-bump, bump, bump_ of his heartbeat.  
He tried to focus on it, make it the last thing he remembered,  
tried to remember that he was _his–_ )

“ _God,_ I-I _hate_ this.” Logan felt his heart breaking at Patton’s broken voice. “I wish–”

“ _No,_ ” Logan said firmly. Patton opened his eyes and looked at him. Even when he was squinting, Patton's brown eyes seemed so wide and filled with so much wonder. 

Logan moved his arms from Patton’s waist to his back, enveloping him into a tight hug. He could barely keep his eyes open from how bright it was. 

Still, he did his best to look at Patton.

(It’s all going to be okay, he was with _him._ )

“You didn’t need to wish for anything else,” Logan finally said. “Things went just as they were supposed to, you know?”

He buried his face in the crook of Patton’s neck. “ _I’m so happy._ ”

Suddenly, Patton’s cries turned from broken to overjoyed, almost instantaneously. 

And then,  
Patton laughed.

It was interspersed with coughs, yes, but he was _laughing._ Logan didn’t know how long it was since he last heard that laugh; but it’s apparently still the same, because now he’s laughing too. 

Logan pulled back slightly, his eyes burning from keeping them open. Behind Patton was a blinding flash of white.  
And that’s how Logan knew they were going to be okay.

“I love you,” Logan said with a teary smile. He felt the heat crawl against his skin. He let out a shaky laugh as he hugged Patton tighter. He said it as if it was suddenly the only thing he knew how to say. “Patton Morgan, I love you, I love you, I _love_ you.” 

It was so bright– _so bright–_ but Logan swore he could see Patton smile too. 

“I-I love you too, Lo.” 

( _Ba-bump...ba-bump…bump… … …)_

It was the last thing Logan heard before the sun finally fell: 

_“I’ll see you soon.”_

* * *

“Oh. My. _Stars._ ”

Patton blushed furiously as Roman leaned over the coffee table with what looked like hearts in his eyes. 

“Romannnn,” Patton whined. 

“Pattonnnnn!” Roman sing-songed in response. Patton broke into a giddy grin, burying his face into his cup of tea. He could feel himself going warm. 

“This man sounds like an absolute _dreamboat!_ ” Roman batted his eyelashes. “Now, pretty pretty _pleeeease_ tell me more about your _fabulous_ first date?”

“I’m telling you,” Patton sipped his tea, a bit embarrassed, “it was just a regular first date.”

“Oh come on, Ra- _pun_ -zel,” Roman groaned dramatically. “Let down your _hair!_ ”

“...what?"

“Just loosen up, would you? You looked like you just _died_ talking about what he looks like — I feel like you can talk about what you guys _actually_ did without kicking the bucket?” 

“Fine, fine!” Patton giggled. “You’re going to be really disappointed though.” 

Roman shot him a wide smile. “I don’t think I could be.” 

Patton rolled his eyes playfully. 

“Well after we exchanged numbers at the library, we went out for coffee– which didn't _really_ feel like a date, but it was something, you know? And it did lead to us texting non-stop for like, a week.” Patton smiled fondly. “It was all pretty casual, nothing more than just talking about what we did and what TV show we were watching at the time. He–” Patton laughed a bit to himself. “He was actually watching this nature documentary about penguins and he said something like–”

“ ‘ _Oh, Pat, I am so horny for you, but I’m going to talk about this penguin shit so you can give Roman a snooze-fest of a story’_ ,” Roman finished for him. “Is that what he said, Pat? Huh?” 

“Roman!” Patton gasped, going beet red. He swatted Roman away with a blush.

“What?” Roman laughed, leaning back in his seat. He put his arms up defensively. “Is it because I’m right?” 

“You’re starting to sound like your brother,” Patton teased. Roman gasped dramatically, making a small, offended squeak. He tossed his signature red scarf over his shoulder. 

“Fiiiine.” Patton laughed. “If you must know, we just went to McDonald’s and ate dinner in his car.” 

_“McDonald’s?!_ ” Roman shrieked. “You had your first date at _McDonald’s_?!”

“It was a busy night for the restaurant we were planning to go to!” Patton said defensively. “He wanted to take me to some high-end place, but we were like thirty minutes in and the waiting lounge only got busier–”

“There was a _lounge?!_ You passed on a place with a _lounge?!”_

“–so when he noticed I was getting antsy, he offered to take me somewhere else.” Patton smiled, as if he was taken somewhere else for a split second. “I sorta panicked when he asked me where, so I said McDonald’s. He was really sweet about it though and– well, it kinda worked out because we talked a lot!” 

Patton looked down, almost embarrassed. 

“It...it was all really lovely.” A pause. “ _He’s_ really lovely.”

“Oh, _Pat!_ ” Roman cried out, the grin on his face only growing. He jumped out of his seat and went over to Patton, practically dragging him out of his chair. Patton squealed as Roman spun him around.

“I’m so happy for you and your _summer_ _romance_ , Count Dorkula.” Roman sighed dreamily, spinning Patton into an embrace. He pulled back slightly so that he was facing Patton, mere inches from his face. 

He gripped his shoulders firmly and with a soft smile, asked, “Are you happy?” 

Patton paused, looking down at his shoes. There was still a bit of red on them from when he spilled ketchup on it the night before. 

He smiled. 

“Yeah,” he whispered. “Yeah, I am.”

* * *

Logan walked back into the apartment carrying logs of firewood, a brown bag slung around his shoulder. He laid the logs onto the floor, catching the attention of Patton. 

“ _Logan._ ” He stood up as soon as he saw him. Logan already knew how this was going to unfold as soon as he saw Patton’s face.

“I know, Patton, before you say anything–”

Patton stormed up to Logan, who calmly set his bag down. 

“How could you just– just _leave?_ ” Tears were streaming down his cheeks.

“Patton, I had to,” Logan said, trying to stand firmly alongside the words he was saying. 

“Don’t give me that _shit_ ,” Patton growled, but it sounded weak in the midst of his tears. Logan felt himself grow tense. 

“You have been _miserable,_ Patton,” he said coldly. “What the hell was I supposed to do? I had to do something, I had to fix it somehow–”

“Fix it?!” Patton laughed, almost manically. “Holy– is that really what this is about? You just wanted to _fix me?!_ ”

“Patton–”

“You didn’t know so you– you thought you could just _leave?!_ Did you think that– that leaving for a _week_ to find fucking _Roman_ would suddenly fix the whole _fucking_ world?! Is that really what you thought?!”

“You’ve been worried about him for days, I couldn’t just sit and watch you cry yourself to sleep every night, please try and be logical about thi–”

“You _left!_ ” Patton’s shriek echoed around the room. “D-Don’t you understand?! Like– like, _really_ think about it for one _fucking_ second. You _fucking left._ ”

He was pacing back and forth, as if he was deciding whether or not he could even _look_ at him. His movement caused the blanket hanging on the wall to lift slightly, showing glimpses of the outside world. 

Logan stiffened at the sight.

“Patton–” 

“You should be _dead!_ ” Patton cried out, pointing at Logan almost hysterically. Logan didn’t move. “A-And for what?! For _him?!_ Are you _fucking_ kidding me?!” 

“He’s your best _friend_ –”

 _“You’re all I have!”_ Patton screamed. Logan fell quiet, staring at Patton. His hand was still outstretched, pointing at Logan. It felt like some sort of sick accusation. 

“Y-You’re…” Patton let out a loud sob, sinking to his knees and breaking down into tears on the cold, ashen floor.

“Patton…” Logan whispered, kneeling in front of Patton, who was slumped over on the floor. His sobs made what seemed like an earthquake spread throughout his entire body.

“D-Don’t you understand?” Patton’s voice was muffled by the floor, but Logan heard the sound of Patton breaking down into sobs almost too clearly.

“Y-You’re all I- I have left,” he whispered through his tears, “a-and...and y-you fucking _left_.”

Logan suddenly felt warm tears sliding down his cheeks. 

“I…” 

But he didn’t end up saying anything. Logan lifted Patton gently, letting him lean against his shoulder as he cried. 

They sat like that for hours. They sat on the cold floor of their home, holding each other. The day passed them, painfully slow, and they just sat there.

And no one left.

“D-Did you find him?” Patton eventually asked. 

Logan looked at him, almost numbly. He then reached over for his brown bag, still lying on the floor, and pulled it closer to him. 

He pulled out a few things; canned preserves, bottles of water, soap– anything he could have grabbed on his way to where Roman was. 

Then, he pulled out a red scarf.

Patton stared at it, sitting in Logan’s hands. He stared at it as if he was secretly in there, woven through the fraying ends of the fabric. 

Patton stared at it as if he was looking at it,

(lying neatly underneath the Christmas tree, all those years ago)

as if it were brand new.

And then, Logan held it to his heart and cried.

* * *

“No way,” Patton giggled as they walked into Logan’s apartment. “You did _not_ say that.” 

“I really did,” Logan hummed, closing the door behind him as Patton took off his coat. “It was...well, it was not my proudest moment.” 

“I can imagine!” Patton hung the coat on the rack. “Sounds like you really _schooled_ him!” 

“Oh shush,” Logan chuckled. Patton laughed and walked into the living room.

It was quite modest in size, but surprisingly warm in feeling. The walls were painted a muted red and the floors were wooden, with a fluffy rug or two underneath a brown couch. An autumn-orange blanket covered most of the couch, and behind it were light bulbs, hung by black wires. Each one was staggered in terms of how far away they were from the ceiling, the warm light floating mere inches from the wall. There was a small, brown coffee table in front of the couch with a vase of red roses in the centre. 

“Wow,” Patton murmured, slowing down to a stop in front of it all. He didn’t even turn to face Logan when he walked up to his side. “Your place, it’s…it’s beautiful.” 

“Thank you,” Logan said. More sheepishly, he added, “I apologize if it is a bit messy, I didn’t have much time to clean up.”

“And you have such a beautiful view for someone on the first floor…” Patton could spot a glance of the nearby park through Logan’s brown-framed windows.

“I, um, did the most I could with what I had.” Logan cleared his throat. “Additionally, my mother is an interior designer, hence...well, _this_.”

Patton finally faced Logan with a smile. “I love it.” 

Patton slowly made his way around the room. There were a few pieces of art hanging on the walls, abstract shapes making up what seemed to be a picture of a warm, sunny day. 

_Fitting,_ he thought with a small smile. 

“Could I by any chance offer you a drink?” Logan asked, making his way past Patton and to the kitchen. Patton, his eyes not following, replied distractedly, “A water would be great, thanks!”

He could distantly hear the water pour into a cup from the kitchen, but he was too far gone to really notice. He continued to make his way around the room, trying to capture as much as he could. 

On the TV stand, there were a few picture frames. Patton recognized Logan in almost all of them– even the ones that seemed like they were taken long before the two had met. He also recognized a few other faces; Virgil in particular, who he remembered meeting a couple of weeks back. 

He suddenly noticed an empty frame sitting next to the other photos. Patton frowned, picking it up. It seemed relatively new compared to the other ones, which were unfortunately collecting a bit of dust. Patton noticed a few remnants of a white sticker. It looked like there was an attempt to peel it all off, but it didn’t go too well. 

Patton smiled to himself, putting it back down just as Logan walked back into the room. 

“One glass of water for you,” he said in an almost regal tone, giving Patton a small smile as he handed him the cup. 

“Why thank you!” Patton giggled, clumsily taking a bow. A bit of water spilled out of the cup as he did. 

Patton looked a bit terrified, but Logan just laughed, shaking his head and giving Patton a small kiss. 

Surprised, Patton kissed back. He became so entranced by it, causing him to nearly drop the glass entirely.

When Logan pulled back, Patton found himself inches away from his face. 

Logan’s eyes were very brown, Patton noticed. 

He smiled. _They were warm._

Patton kissed Logan again, more slowly this time, putting his free hand on Logan’s cheek. Logan grinned in the smile, pulling Patton’s waist closer to him. 

And when they were done with that kiss, they kissed again; the pace growing more frantic with each one. They kissed for so long that Patton nearly forgot that the room– or anyone else in the whole world– even existed.

He hastily set the cup of water down on the TV stand beside all the photos and used his other hand to loosen Logan’s tie. 

Logan must have gotten the hint because he kissed Patton again, guiding their steps towards his bedroom. 

“Wait!” Patton whispered, pulling back when they got outside his bedroom door. Logan frowned. 

“Is everything alright?” he asked. 

“Yeah,” Patton said. “Yes, everything’s okay, I just…”

Patton then smiled, staring softly at Logan.

“I just want to remember this,” he whispered. Logan chuckled, pressing his forehead against Patton’s. 

“I love you,” Patton added quietly. 

A pause. 

Logan broke into a wide grin, laughing as he cupped Patton’s cheeks and pulled him into the most passionate kiss Patton has ever had. The warm touch spread across Patton’s face as he touched him.

(And that’s when he _knew_ ,  
even if he didn't really know it yet.)

Patton giggled in between the kisses, wrapping his arms around Logan as they went into his bedroom, Logan softly kicking the door closed behind them.

* * *

“Did you hear any word from him?” Logan asked quietly, sipping some warm water from a small, clay cup. Patton shook his head as he walked out of the kitchen, going over to the couch where Logan was sitting. Logan sighed. 

“It’s been a week now.” Patton said nothing as Logan continued, only setting down two bowls of soup on the coffee table and taking a seat beside him. “It’s unlike him to just...leave without much notice.” 

“Yeah,” Patton murmured, looking down at the table. Logan looked over at Patton and took his hand. 

“Hey,” he whispered. Patton was squeezing his hand. Logan squeezed back, and Patton finally looked up with him. 

He seemed _tired,_ his stare almost grey. Logan wondered if it was possible for the sun to steal the colour from someone’s eyes. 

“He’s going to be okay,” he decided to say. “We’re going to find him.” 

“Yeah,” Patton said again. He wasn’t even moving anymore, just staring down at his bowl of soup. “Yeah, I’m sure we will.” 

Logan sighed as he wordlessly picked up his own bowl and quietly drank from it. 

It was quiet like that for a while, the two of them drinking their bowls of soup without saying much. Logan kept looking at Patton, who was barely even touching his meal.

“Are you ill?” Logan finally asked. Patton looked up at him, almost darkly. A little quicker, he added, “I noticed you aren’t done with your soup.”

Patton looked down at his bowl then sighed, standing up and shrugging. 

“You can have it,” is all he said before turning his back on Logan, who sighed. He closed his eyes, pulling his glasses onto his head to rub the bridge of his nose. 

He expected Patton to retreat to their bedroom, but Patton just walked over to the huge hole in their wall. He watched him stare out the wall.

“...Patton?” he asked softly. 

“Should we bother listening to the radio tonight?” Patton whispered. His words sounded cold, even as warm air breezed into their apartment once more.

Logan stood up, hesitantly walking to Patton’s side. 

“May I be honest?” Logan asked. Patton looked at him and nodded. 

“After you went to bed, there was a final broadcast on the radio,” Logan said. “It’s wiped out more people than we thought, and it’s moved faster than anyone could have ever suspected.” 

“That doesn’t make sense,” Patton murmured. “There hasn’t been a reported crash since it happened and that was a _month_ ago.”

Logan sighed. “Radiation sickness.”

Patton tensed up at the words.

“...Oh.” 

“It’s been worsening around the world.” Logan tried not to look at Patton as he spoke. “They said that the overall global temperature is the highest it’s ever been in history. It’s beating its own record each day.”

“So what they’re saying is that it’s over then,” Patton suddenly said. His voice was barely a whisper, yet it felt so sharp. Logan tensed at Patton’s sudden stare. 

He decided to keeping looking ahead at the hole in their wall. 

“We should find something to cover that,” Patton finally said after a bit of silence passed.

Logan frowned, idly looking around him. “Yes, we should.” 

He thought about it for a while and walked over to the couch when the idea dawned on him. He pulled off the blanket, giving it a few good shakes. Dust flew from its surface, but eventually it gave way to the orange colour he was familiar with. 

Logan turned around, the blanket in hand, and held it up as if it were some kind of offer. 

Patton smiled, almost sadly. 

* * *

Patton pressed his face in his hands, taking a deep breath.

“Patton, I just don’t understand why this is a big deal,” Logan said. Patton finally looked up at him from his place on the couch. 

“A big _deal?_ ” Patton echoed, incredulously. Logan sighed. 

“Patton, that’s not what I–”

“Logan, it’s my _parents_!”

“I’m just not ready yet!” Logan protested. “How is that difficult for you to comprehend?” 

Patton stood up from the couch in a frustrated huff, circling the coffee table to stand in front of him.

“Because we’ve been dating for a _year_ now!” Patton cried out. He ran his hand through his hair, looking up at the ceiling. “God, Lo, they ask about you all the time–”

“Just tell them that I’m not ready then!” 

“That’s not the point, Logan–”

“Then what is it?”

“I–” Patton closed his eyes, rubbing the bridge of his nose. “Look, I don’t know, okay?” 

A beat of silence. 

“Where are we, Lo?” Patton asked, almost afraid of the answer. Logan frowned. 

“We’re in my apartment.” 

“ _Logan_.”

Logan averted his stare from him. Patton almost missed it.

“Sometimes, with you, it feels like I’m in a race car” Logan finally admitted. “And– and there’s such an exhilarating _rush_ ; every single lap I feel that wind and the hot fire pushing my car along a-and…”

He paused. 

“And?” 

“...And then I remember I’m in a _race car_ ,” Logan finished. “I’m speeding around in circles and it's so _fast_ and I’m– I’m in some kind of _race_.” 

“Logan, I’m not trying to rush you into anything.” Patton took a small step towards him, taking his hands into his own. “But we can’t go anywhere if...if you’re not going to take your foot off the brake.”

“That’s the thing, Patton,” Logan sighed; not even in frustration anymore, but in _exhaustion._ “I...I feel like we’ve been in this race for so _long_ –”

“T-Then we can _leave!”_ Patton broke in. “We can quit, we can drive somewhere else– to some...some island? Look, this metaphor has lost me–”

“I don’t even know if I want to be in this _damn_ race anymore!”

The air around Patton suddenly froze. 

Patton looked at him, wide-eyed and quiet. He suddenly felt too warm. 

And he suddenly didn’t miss Logan’s quiet stare. 

“Pat…” Logan’s words sounded like they were underwater. Patton kept looking down at his hands in Logan’s. They were shaking. 

“How long have you felt like this?” he asked quietly. Logan shook his head. 

“I– I…”

“ _Logan?_ ” He hated how small he sounded. Logan closed his eyes.

“I don’t know,” he finally said. “I...I don’t even know if this is how I feel, okay?”

“...What _do_ you feel then?” Patton asked. “Right now? Just– tell me how you feel _now._ ” 

A pause. 

“I feel scared, Patton.” He looked up at Patton with suddenly-teary eyes. “I...I am _scared..._ that this isn’t something I can _do._ ”

Patton said nothing. 

“ _God,_ Patton,” Logan continued shakily, “we haven’t even told each other that we loved–”

He stopped mid-sentence. 

Patton took a step back, watching Logan’s hands fall to his side. 

“P-Patton, I–” 

“I know,” Patton said. His voice sounded cold and foreign, even to himself. “I know. _You’re right_.”

“Patton–”

“You’re right,” Patton said again, more firmly. He took another step back, as if staring at something he couldn’t even recognize. “ _You haven’t.”_

* * *

Logan sat on a bench in the park, loosening his tie slightly. 

_For October,_ he thought, _it is so warm…_

Or maybe it was warm for another reason. He had been anxiously bouncing his leg for a half hour now, waiting for Patton to meet him. 

Logan couldn’t help but worry about him, whether or not he was okay. 

_Maybe it was because he…_

Logan sighed; he couldn’t even say it in his _head_.

When Logan finally spotted Patton, however, his heart sank. 

He _wasn’t_ okay.   
And Logan already knew why. 

“Hey,” he said as Patton approached him, standing up from his seat. Patton stood in front of him, his hands in his pockets. 

"Hi,” he replied quietly. 

They stood like that for what seemed like an agonizing couple of hours. Logan cleared his throat, scratching the back of his neck. 

“You look...great,” he finally said. Patton didn’t meet his gaze. 

“...Thanks.” 

“May we sit?” Logan motioned over to the bench. Patton looked at it– _really_ looked at it– before seemingly giving in and sitting down. Logan, relieved, sat beside him. 

“How are you, Pat?” Logan asked. 

Patton let out a quiet laugh. “Not great, Lo, if I’m being honest.”

“I’m sorry,” Logan said, and he put in such a great effort to sound like he really meant it.

(Did he even mean it?)

Patton shook his head, looking down. 

“You were the one who wanted to meet,” Patton said. “What do you need?”

_I need to tell you something.  
_ _I need to tell you_ **_everything_ ** _._

_(I need you to say it.)_

_I need it to be the only words I could ever say,_ _  
_ _just for a_ **_minute_ ** _._

“My sweater,” he said lamely. “You...you still have it.”

Patton looked at him with an indescribable look on his face.

“...My mother said she wants to give it to Declyn.” _Why was he still talking?_ “She said it must be too small for me now. She was asking where it...might...be.”

Patton smiled, but something told Logan it wasn’t a happy one.

“So that’s it then?” Patton’s voice sounded hollow. _Where was the warmth?_ Logan tried searching for it; in his smile, in his eyes, _anywhere._

“Patton, I…” _What the hell was he going to say, anyway? That he–_

“Actually?” Patton stood up abruptly. “Don’t answer that.”

Logan snapped out of his thoughts and looked up at him, standing up as well. 

“Patton, there has to be something _else_ ,” Logan said. He took Patton’s hands into his own, and Patton stiffly let him. He could feel himself sweat. “There has to be some other way for me to tell you– to _show_ you.”

“I don’t know what to tell you, Logan,” Patton said. “If you can’t even say it _once_?” He shook his head, letting out a sad laugh. “I don’t know what to tell you. I just don’t think that’s fear.”

“But–”

“You’re not afraid of us,” Patton cut in. “You’re...you’re afraid of something else and I’m _sorry_ , Logan– believe me, I have _tried_ to come to terms with that this past week but...but I’m _sorry_ . I...I’m just _sorry_.” He paused. “This just isn’t what I want.” 

And when Patton let go of his hands,  
a piece of the sun crashed behind them.


	2. Chapter 2

Patton couldn’t hear anything. 

His ears were still ringing– he couldn’t even hear his own _voice._ And– _God_ there’s bodies _everywhere._

 _Adrenaline, Patton,_ he thought. He grabbed Logan, swinging his arm around his shoulder and pushing himself to make it back to Logan’s apartment. 

_So close…_ The ringing felt louder, if that was even possible. _So close…_

(He didn’t even know that _he_ was the one who saved him that day.)

  
“W-Where…” Logan groaned before he could finish. 

“We’re–” He huffed– ”going back to your place.” 

“P-Patton...y-you don’t–”

“Shut up,” Patton gritted through his teeth as tears slid down his cheeks, “W-We’re going home, and– and there’s nothing you can say that’s going to change my mind, okay? So– to make this e-easier for us–” He huffed again– ” _shut up_.”

And Logan did.

(Because he loved him.)

* * *

“What do you mean you don’t know how to say it?” Virgil asked, leaning back on Logan’s couch. Logan shrugged, tossing Virgil a beer on his way back from the kitchen. 

“I don’t _know_ why I can’t,” Logan said, drinking from his third bottle tonight. “It– it’s _illogical._ ”

“Have you ever said it?” he asked. “To _anyone?_ ”

Logan fell quiet. Virgil’s eyes widened. 

“Oh–” He cracked open his beer bottle– ” _God._ ”

“Shut up,” Logan groaned, slumping down on the couch beside him. Virgil turned around to face him. 

“Stacey Marron.” 

“Nope.”

“Austin Tanner?”

“Nu-uh.” 

“Elliot?”

“ _Obviously_ not.” 

“Tiffany Ray?”

“Two weeks only. Never got the chance.”

“ _No one?_ ” Virgil asked, a little less teasingly than before. Logan shook his head wordlessly and took another sip. Virgil sighed. 

“Have you told him why?” 

A pause. 

“No,” Logan said, “I haven’t.” 

Virgil sighed.

“I feel like he deserves to know.”

“What do _you_ know.” The beer made the words taste more bitter than intended. Virgil just stared at him. 

“I know more than him, apparently,” Virgil simply said, “which I feel is saying something.” 

“Then what am I going to say, huh Virge?” Logan shot up from the couch, stumbling to the window. “That I’ve never been in a long-term relationship before? That– that I’m just some– some serial _fucker_ who sleeps with people– who breaks their hearts in half and then just _leaves?”_

“...when were sober, you have to change your Instagram bio to ‘serial fucker’.” 

“What the _fuck_ am I going to do,” Logan groaned, slamming his beer on the coffee table as he plopped himself on the ground. Virgil sighed, sliding off the couch and crawling beside Logan, who leaned on his shoulder. 

“You’re just going to have to decide whether or not this is someone you’re going to change for,” Virgil said. Logan looked up at him, almost wearily. 

“Change?” His voice sounded too small for his own good. Virgil shook his head, tapping his shoulder again so Logan could lean on it. 

“No, not change,” he mused. “Wrong word. It’s…maybe the word's commit...?”

Virgil trailed off, before looking down at Logan. He sighed.

"Let's just make this easy then," he finally said. “Do you like him?”

“Of course I do.”

“Do you _love_ him?” 

A pause. 

Logan couldn’t help but look at the framed picture of him and Patton on his TV stand. Their smiles were bright enough to fill the whole room, and they looked like they were in...

“I don’t know,” Logan said quietly. 

“Logan, come on, you have to know somewhere deep down in your weird, robo-heart–”

“No,” Logan said again. He didn’t meet Virgil’s glance. “I don’t...I don’t think I know what that _is_.”

* * *

“Roman’s resting in your bathtub,” Patton announced, walking back to the living room. Logan was on the couch, with Virgil doing his best to attend to his leg.

“Is he– _shit,_ Virge–” He hissed as Virgil tended his wound. Virgil rolled his eyes, nudging his head towards Patton. Logan sighed. “Is...is he comfortable in there?” 

“Duh,” Patton said softly. He gave him a half-hearted smile. “It’s _Roman_. He’s comfortable anywhere.” 

“How’s he doing?” Logan asked. 

“I don’t know,” Patton admitted. “He wouldn’t tell me.” 

“Serves him right for running into the scene of the crime,” Virgil mumbled, though there was an edge of worry in his voice. 

“He was trying to help people,” Patton explained. “When he heard that we were there when it happened, he went straight here.”

A beat of silence. 

“...It’s a fucking shit show out there.”

“Virgil! Language!”

“Sorry, sorry.” 

“What did they say?” Logan asked. Patton sighed. 

“There was another one,” he replied, sitting beside Logan on the couch. “I think it was in Japan. There might’ve been one somewhere in Europe too, but they’re investigating it.” 

“Did they say what it was?” 

Patton shrugged. 

“A lot of people are saying a lot of things. People think it’s judgement day, whatever that means. The radio gave out halfway through the interview. I don't know how to fix it.”

“How edgy of them,” Virgil piped up, still focused on Logan’s wounds. " _Judgement day._ "

Logan just nodded, falling quiet again. 

“They say it’s not over,” Patton said, just soft enough for Logan to hear. “They said it was only the beginning.” 

Logan said nothing.

* * *

Logan watched with a small smile as Patton walked into the living room with a bright smile and a bowl of popcorn. Roman threw some stray strands of tinsel into the air. 

“Huzzah!” he exclaimed. “Food has arrived! We can _finally_ start gift giving!” 

“Can someone tell me who’s idea this was,” Virgil deadpanned. 

“It was mine, _My Chemically-Imbalanced Romance_ ,” Roman huffed. “You always have entertainment popcorn to watch the drama unfold.” 

“What drama?” Logan mumbled.

“The drama when someone doesn’t like the other person’s present.” Roman glared at him as if it were obvious. Virgil rolled his eyes. 

“Everyone’s going to like _everyone’s_ gift.” Patton sat in front of the tree with the popcorn in his lap, cross-legged on the ground. Logan watched as Patton then reached over to the couch and pulled his blanket off of it, spilling a bit of popcorn as he did. He wrapped himself in its warm colours and glanced at Logan. 

He gave him a warm smile.   
Logan felt something bubbling in his chest. 

They exchanged gifts, laughing at every silly present Roman gave them. Virgil tried not to cry when Logan gave him a membership to the local museum; and Patton tried not to die when Roman gave him a membership to the gym. 

“We can be workout buddies now!” Roman wiggled his eyebrows. “Build some stamina, you know?” 

“Roman! _”_ Patton gasped as Logan did his best not to blush. 

It eventually came time for Logan to exchange presents with Patton. 

“Aw, Logan!” Patton pulled out the two concert tickets from the envelope. “Oh, these are _fantastic!_ I’m so excited. And– _awwww_ there’s a heart beside your name on the envelope!” He kissed Logan’s cheek. “I love you so much. This is so sweet.” 

A beat of silence. 

“Of course,” Logan finally said.

“How about you, Microsoft _Nerd_ ,” Roman cut in. “Are you going to open Pat’s gift or what?”

“ _Romannn,”_ Patton said with a small giggle, though he seemed just as excited. Logan looked at Virgil who just shrugged. 

He took Patton’s gift—a small, square box; tied with a white ribbon—and held it in his hands. He then looked up at Patton, who gestured for him to open it. 

Logan chuckled as he untied the ribbon and opened the box, and–

He froze. 

“Do you like it?” Patton asked, almost as giddy as Roman was. “I had it made this morning. I thought about giving you something else, like maybe a bookstore gift card or something.” He scooted closer to Logan. “ _Buuuut,_ I feel like because we’ve been dating for a while, like we’re almost at the one year mark– I just think we’re _there,_ you know?”

Logan could feel Virgil staring at the key as well. 

“I…” 

Patton’s smile fell. 

“Is...is that okay?” 

Logan cleared his throat. 

“Of course.” He hastily kissed Patton’s hand. “ _Thank you._ ” 

He closed the box slowly, the key finally disappearing from his sight; and, in the corner of his eye, he saw Roman pop a piece of popcorn in his mouth. 

* * *

“Patton?”

Patton turned around to see Roman, a bit paler than when he last saw him. He was stumbling towards him. 

“Jesus, Roman,” Patton murmured, going to his side immediately to help him walk. “When did you wake up?” 

“Just a bit ago,” he huffed. “I’m heading to the kitchen. Wanted a snack” 

“Go sit on the couch,” Patton said firmly. Roman just shrugged and did as he was told.

“What do you want?” Patton said as he walked into the kitchen. 

“Doesn’t matter.” 

Patton sighed as he searched the kitchen.

“How long has Logan been gone now?” He heard Roman ask. Patton closed a cupboard quietly. 

“Too long,” he mumbled. He grabbed a plate for the bread he found and went to sit beside Roman on the couch, offering the plate to him. 

“He’s still looking for him, isn’t he?” 

Patton just nodded. 

“It was my dumb fault,” Roman muttered, staring at his plate. “I was the one who told him to get lost.”

“It hasn’t been easy for any of us,” Patton reassured. Roman averted his glance. “We’ve all been pretty...agitated. It’s hard to stay cooped up like this. And...well, we’re all responsible for our own actions nowadays. You know what Logan says; no use in blaming ourselves. It won’t fix anything.” 

Roman said nothing, but was able to finish his bread. Patton took the plate from him when he was done and set it on the coffee table. 

“You actually finished.” He smiled softly. “I’m proud of you.” 

Roman let out a scratchy laugh and shook his head. “It’ll probably come back up tomorrow.” 

Patton’s smile fell as he stared at the table.

“Hey.” Roman scooted a bit closer to Patton. “I...I need to tell you something.” 

“Yeah?”

“I…” Roman sighed. “You have to promise not to get mad.” 

Patton faced him, his leg beginning to bounce. “What’s up?” 

“...I’m leaving.” 

Patton’s heart dropped. 

“Y-You’re...you’re _what?_ ” 

“Patton, this shouldn’t surprise you.” Patton was shocked at how calm Roman’s voice was. “Things are getting worse– _everything_ is getting worse. Logan may be out there looking for Virgil but he’s looking for other things too. We are barely able to keep up our supply for three people and...well, you know I’ve been sick for a while.”

“That doesn’t mean that–”

“You said it yourself,” Roman said with a small smile. “We’re all responsible for our own actions.” 

Patton fell quiet. They didn’t speak for what seemed like hours before Patton broke the silence. 

“Where are you going to go?” he asked. Roman looked at him, almost surprised. 

“You’re letting me?” 

“You’re going to leave anyway, aren’t you?” His voice was cold. Roman looked down, almost ashamed.

“...I don’t know where I’m gonna end up,” Roman finally said, his voice quiet. “But I’m going to do the most I can to help someone with what I have left.” 

Patton felt tears roll down his cheeks. Roman’s shoulders dropped. He looked like he was looking at a sick puppy.

“Oh, Patton,” he whispered, pulling Patton into a hug. Patton could feel his tears staining Roman’s shirt. “It’s going to be okay.” 

“Y-You’re…” Patton sobbed into his chest. “You’re my _best friend.”_

Roman patted his head, chuckling. “I know. You’re mine too, padré.”

He coughed a bit, and pushed Patton back gently. Patton stared at him, as if he was talking to a ghost.

“I’ll be gone in the morning,” Roman said hoarsely. Patton numbly nodded. 

“I won’t tell Logan.”

Roman frowned. “...Really?” 

“He doesn’t need to know.” 

Roman just sighed, stroking Patton’s hair gently.

"Are you happy?" 

"You're an asshole." Patton was crying even more now.

“He loves you,” Roman murmured. “You know that, right?”

Patton said nothing, but he heard Roman’s last words before he even said it. 

(He wouldn’t have stayed if he didn’t.)

* * *

_“Hey, Lo.”_ Virgil’s voice buzzed from his phone on the counter. Logan hummed in response, busy making himself a sandwich before heading to work. _“Do you still want to go over to my place tonight?_ ** _‘_** _Doctor Who’_ _is on.”_

“Ah, I can’t,” Logan said, taking the phone off speaker and slipping it between his ear and his shoulder. “I am making dinner with Patton tonight.”

 _“You mean the guy from the library?”_ _  
_ _  
_ “Yes.” Logan went over to the couch and grabbed his brown bag. “His name is Patton.” 

_“I know,”_ Virgil chuckled. _“I’m just...surprised, s’all.”_

“Surprised?” Logan echoed. He stopped in front of the mirror in his front entryway, adjusting his tie. 

_“I’m just surprised you’re settling down.”_

Logan froze. 

“You’re joking, right,” he deadpanned. 

_“Obviously.”_ Logan rolled his eyes. 

_“But seriously,”_ Virgil continued, _“I’m happy for you. I really want to meet him.”_

“I’m not settling down,” Logan blurted out, almost defensively. 

A beat of silence. 

_“Don’t think about it too hard, Lo,”_ Virgil finally said. He laughed, but it sounded more nervous than anything. _“It was just a dumb joke. Sorry.”_

Logan sighed. “I’m sorry as well. I did not mean to sound so cross. I’m just–”

 _“Don’t worry,”_ Virgil cut in before he could finish. _“I get it.”_

Logan just nodded as he kneeled down to tie his shoes. He placed his phone beside him.

After a bit of silence, he heard Virgil ask, _“Is he pretty?”_

Logan paused, then picked up his phone and stood up. He smiled softly to himself.

“The prettiest,” he replied.

* * *

Patton coughed until he woke himself up, shooting up from his bed. He winced at how bright it already was outside, noticing the small outline of sweat he left on the pillow. He shuddered. 

“Mmm…” He looked down to see Logan stir beside him. “Are...are you alright?”

“M’fine,” Patton mumbled. Logan sat up with a small sigh. 

“Do you need to throw up?” 

Patton hesitated. “Probably.” 

Logan just nodded and Patton watched, a bit guilty, as he climbed out of bed and went to the bathroom to grab a trash bin. 

Patton flopped back down onto the bed with a small groan. He tried to will his cough– and whatever else was threatening to come up– to stay down, buried in his chest. 

“Sit up, please.” Patton turned his head and saw Logan going over to sit down beside him. He laid a trash can on the floor, closest to where Patton’s head was laying. “We don’t want you to choke on whatever comes out.” 

Patton smiled half-heartedly, sitting up beside Logan. His leg was bouncing. He had been throwing up for the better part of a week now — and Logan had, unfortunately, seen him do it most times. He wasn’t quite sure what made him so insecure. 

Logan offhandedly laid his hand on Patton’s forehead. He winced. 

“You’re warm.” He pulled his hand back slowly. “Too warm.” 

“I know,” Patton mumbled. Logan sighed. 

“You know this means I’m going to have to go find some medicine, right?” 

“ _Logan,_ ” Patton whined. 

“I’ll leave tomorrow at night.”

“Nighttime doesn’t even _matter_ anymore, Logan,” Patton protested. 

“I’ll be back before the morning comes, I promise.” 

“It’s too dangerous to even _leave_ the house.” Patton felt his throat get drier as his voice rose. “Logan, you could get hurt if you go, you know that risks–”

“I’m not going to just sit here,” Logan gritted out, “and just watch you _die._ ”

Patton froze. 

He snuck a glance at Logan and noticed he was crying. Patton’s eyes widened. 

“You can’t die, okay?” Logan wasn’t even looking at him. He was just staring ahead of him. There was a slight tremble in his hands. He pushed his palms against his knees, as if to keep them glued there. 

“I’m not dying,” Patton muttered, but the words came out too dry for them to sound believable. 

“You just _can’t_.” Logan talked as if Patton wasn’t even in the room. He suddenly let out a choked sob. 

Patton watched wordlessly as Logan doubled over, burying his face in his hands as he began to cry. He felt like he stared at him for too long– longer than any normal person would.

And suddenly, the feeling to be sick, to cry, to do _anything_ just...disappeared.

Patton leaned against Logan’s shoulder, just listening to his cries grow quieter. He closed his eyes and tried to imagine a world where he and Logan were married; celebrating their love under an arch of flowers, and under a sun that wasn’t dying.

* * *

“Hey Logan?” 

Logan yawned, then rolled over onto his side to face Patton, who smiled sheepishly. He tucked his arm under his head to get a better, more comfortable look at him.

“Yeah?” he asked. Patton smiled. 

“You’re really great, you know?” 

Logan chuckled. “The drowsiness is hitting you now, hm?” 

“No, seriously.” Patton leaned closer to him, mere inches from his face. Logan swore he felt Patton’s warm breath hit his nose. “I know I’ve only known you for a week now but...gosh, I just can’t help it. You’re...you’re just really great.” 

Logan smiled. 

(Three words sat in his throat)

“You’re really great too,” he whispered, gently laying his arm around Patton, who yawned and curled up into Logan’s bare chest. “ _I’m glad I met you.”_

* * *

Patton leaned against Logan, who helped him walk out of the car and towards the edge of the cliff. Just moving in this heat made him regret ever leaving the apartment, but he knew that he had to leave– go as far away from home as he could. He was lucky that Logan’s car still worked. 

Patton shielded his eyes as he looked below at the city from the highest vantage point he knew of. The sun glared at him, as if calling him stupid for even trying. 

He heard Logan sigh as he turned Patton around so that he was facing him. 

(It was illogical– no, _stupid_ to look anywhere else.)

Patton felt Logan wrap his arms around his waist and it was only then that Patton realized he was shaking and sobbing loudly in Logan’s embrace.

“Shhh,” Logan whispered softly. He pulled Patton closer to him. “It’s going to be okay.” 

“I- I–”

“ _It’s okay,”_ he said again. 

Patton felt like laughing. Or throwing up. Or crying some more– he didn’t even know. _It was so warm._

“I-I’m so _scared._ ”

Logan paused. 

“I know,” he said quietly. 

“What if one of us _lives_ ?” Patton murmured, his sobs wracking his entire body. He doubled over into Logan’s chest, throwing his arms around Logan as if he was hanging onto the only lifeboat on deck.“W-What if one of us lives and– and you are _dead_ and–” 

“Patton…” 

“I don’t want to be alone.” Patton clung onto him, his face buried in Logan’s chest. It was like that for a while before he felt Logan tilt his chin up to face him. Patton could see glimpses of tears rolling down Logan’s cheeks. 

“You’re not going to be alone,” he said.

The winds roared louder now. Despite now being face-to-face with Logan, Patton was squeezing his eyes shut, shaking at the noise. 

Patton tried to memorize the _ba-bump, bump, bump_ of Logan’s heartbeat. He tried to focus on it, make it the last thing he remembered, tried to remember that he was _his–_

“ _God,_ I-I _hate_ this.” Patton sounded so _broken_. He hoped Logan wouldn't notice. “I wish–”

“ _No,_ ” Logan said firmly. Patton opened his eyes and looked at him. 

Logan moved his arms from Patton’s waist to his back, enveloping him into a tight hug. 

It’s all going to be okay, he was with _him._

“You didn’t need to wish for anything else,” Logan finally said. “Things went just as they were supposed to, you know?”

He buried his face in the crook of Patton’s neck. “ _I’m so happy._ ”

Patton froze. The words sounded so far away, yet there they were; so _close._

And then,  
Patton laughed.

It was interspersed with coughs but he was _laughing._ And eventually, Logan was laughing too. 

And there they were, laughing,  
as the sun grew closer. 

At some point– Patton wasn't sure when– Logan pulled back slightly. Behind him, Patton could see a blinding flash of white.  
  


(And that’s how he knew they were going to be okay.)

And then, Patton heard it. 

“I love you.” 

Patton’s heart skipped a beat. 

_Ba-bump...ba-bump…bump… … …_

“Patton Morgan, I love you, I love you, I _love_ you.” 

It was the last thing Patton heard before the sun finally fell. 

* * *

Logan finished shelving the last of the books in his cart. He stifled a yawn behind his fist as he made his way to the end of the aisle, about to turn the corner when– 

“ _Ahhh!"_

A man collided with the end of his cart, sending the books in his hand tumbling to the ground, as well as a slight jolt throughout Logan’s entire being. His eyes widened. 

“I am terribly sorry,” Logan said, immediately kneeling down to pick up his fallen books. The man, to his surprise, laughed. The noise made Logan’s heart skip a beat. 

“Not a problem!” He kneeled down as well to help Logan pick up the books. 

They made eye contact for a split second. 

_Logan never saw eyes filled with so much warmth._

“My fault for wanting to _book_ it before this place closes, ya know?” He laughed again, and Logan nervously laughed as well. 

“I don’t understand,” Logan said, “but...it’s okay?” 

The man gave him a small smile as they both stood up. Logan felt as if he was staring at him forever — so long that he felt like he needed to introduce himself. 

“My name is Logan Fray.” He outstretched his hand. “And you are?” 

“Patton Morgan!” He shook his hand with a wide smile. It was so bright, it nearly burned right through him. 

They exchanged a small conversation; mostly about the book Patton was taking out, and the books Logan recommended he take out. 

And after a few more seconds of staring at each other,

(God, why was he staring this _much_?)

Patton shyly spoke up. 

“I don’t usually do this,” he said, “but...um, would you like to maybe have coffee sometime? Maybe?" 

Logan couldn’t help but smile. 

“I’d enjoy that, actually.” He pulled out his phone, unlocked it, and handed it to Patton; who smiled and took it, taking a silly photo of himself before putting in his number and handing it back to Logan. 

Logan sent him a quick _“Hello!”_ and it wasn't long until he heard a buzz from Patton's back pocket.

“Well, it’s a date then!” Patton scratched the back of his neck, almost flustered at the noise. “I’ll see you soon, Logan!” 

Logan smiled and nodded. “I’ll see you soon.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for reading! i hope it wasn't too dreadfully confusing, heh. all risks should be taken in writing, i guess :')
> 
> comments/kudos/random letters/whatever are great! you can find me on my tumblr, @my-happy-little-bean :)


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